New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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