You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
