Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
