i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
