Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
