before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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