Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
