Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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