Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
