literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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