dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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