just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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