So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
