woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
