you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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