I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
