she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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