I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
