Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
