So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
