My boss' voice literally gives me gas
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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