my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner