just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
