Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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