Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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