dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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