OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
