bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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