May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
