I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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