her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
