She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize