I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
