My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am naked and annoyed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
