Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
