I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize