No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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