I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
