you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
