He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
