we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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