thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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