I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
