he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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