is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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