I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
