Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
