Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
