Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
