its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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