It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
