you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
