Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
