So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drake has all the answers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
