I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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