Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
