i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
